Because apparently a few busybodies in the Health Commission have never enjoyed a cheeky kebab at half past 2 in the morning, we may see our precious loved one get banned in its current form. Amid concerns over whether or not phosphates play a role in heart disease, the kebab industry may take a hit due to them utilising the ingredient to give the meat its signature taste.
With news of this potential ban coming, we can expect to see a potential impact on small business owners all across the EU. The kebab has been a long-time staple in many cities for its seemingly miraculous healing effects on the pissed lot. "If the European Parliament gets its way, this would be the death sentence for the entire doner kebab industry in the European Union," explained Kenan Koyuncu, member of the German Association of Doner Kebab Producers.
While it may seem grim, there is still hope yet that we’ll get to keep our precious kebab. Parliament is due to reconvene again in mid-December to cast yet again a vote – should the full parliament vote to send back to proposal, we’ll see the lifespan of the kebab last a little while longer. However, it may just be prolonging the inevitable. Expect a day of mourning should the ban go through.